spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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