Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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