No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
