Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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