He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
