i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
