Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize