please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
