You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
