i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
