connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
