Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
