I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
