You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
