; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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