i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
