No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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