puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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