this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
