you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
