so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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