Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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