your thong is hanging out like whoa
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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