dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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