Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
