He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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