Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
it hurts more in the daytime
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
