I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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