Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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