I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
