just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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