i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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