one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
