i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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