Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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