the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
