i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize