Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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