my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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