Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
