just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
