You're earring is so big in my mouth
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
