so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
