Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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