i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
