i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
