Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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