Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
