First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
