Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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