Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
