I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I am midnight drunk by noon
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
