Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
