ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
