I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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