NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
