So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
