someone threw a dead crab at me
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
And then he peed in my hair
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