My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
