Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
