guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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