Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
