ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
