You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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