im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
